A Masterclass in Emotional Composure

Or How Not to Turn into a Rigid Ideologue

I recently watched Alex O’Connor’s interview with Peter Hitchens - a journalist with highly conservative views on drugs. 

I enjoyed this interview because: 

1. It was particularly entertaining 

2. It is a masterclass in nervous system regulation and dysregulation

In the interview, Alex respectfully questions Peter’s views which leads to Peter getting frustrated and storming out of the interview. 

Standing off-camera Peter proceeds to criticize and blame Alex for things he never done. 

What I found particularly inspiring was Alex’s ability to stay calm and collected despite Peter’s obnoxious and arrogant behavior. 

It is even more impressive when you consider that Alex is only 25 years old. 

If I’m honest with myself I don’t think I would have been able to remain as calm as Alex in the face of such disrespect and rudeness. 

The truth is most people would not. 

This makes me wonder how is it that Alex can remain this regulated in a situation where many of us would have become triggered?

I imagine both nature and nurture play into this ability. 

Perhaps Alex always had a calm and composed demeanor but he has also engaged in critical conversations and debates for many years. 

What such conversations reveal is that becoming overly emotional shuts down skillful communication. 

I’ve seen this countless times both in myself and in those around me. 

Learning to stay emotionally regulated in difficult conversations is an important skill that I feel inspired to cultivate more of especially when I see models in people like Alex O’Connor. 

If Alex’s behavior was a model for how I want to act in the world Peter’s behavior was an example of how not to show up. 

It reflects a man who seems bitter, cynical, and confined by his rigid beliefs. 

I imagine that Peter’s “fight with the world” is reflective of unmet childhood needs although that in no way excuses his disrespectful behavior. 

In every conversation, we have a choice of how we want to show up. 

While it may be easier to be reactive like Peter with practice we all can learn to be more accommodating, responsive, and patient like Alex. 

You can watch the interview below.

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